@SpencerLenox: A mattress will double in weight after six years, just like everything else I sleep with!
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@murrman5: "do you know the best way to get rid of a wasp nest?" no, try using your phone [throws phone and hits wasp nest] *running* I meant google it
@drayzze: I wish I had a bear so I could take him hiking and camping So if we ran into other bears, he'd be like "It's cool, man, he's with me."
@illuminatedwndr: "Would you like to import all of your phonebook contacts to your Twitter account...?" hahahaha yeah, that'll go well