@SpencerLenox: A mattress will double in weight after six years, just like everything else I sleep with!
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@DirtMcTurd: "We have a new product, it washes hair but it needs a name" Shamcrap?! "Awful" Shampoop?! "Get out!" Shampoo? "Genius!"
@GrumpyBahr: Just ate at a Japanese restaurant and the entire staff was Hispanic. I don't know what is real anymore!
@TragicAllyHere: Don't you hate when you're an astronaut and someone opens the hatch to go into space and you're like, "nooooo, all my air guitars!"
@WilliamAder: Whenever someone tells me they have an IQ of 140, I wonder if that's Fahrenheit or centigrade.