@veggiefemme: A moment of silence for those who sacrificed themselves to determine which mushrooms taste good with pasta, which are fun & which kill you.
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@goldengateblond: Kids today don't know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
@AristotlesNZ: The obvious way to smuggle drugs past a drug sniffing dog would be to hide it in another dog's ass.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 5-year-old found two pennies and shared one with her sister. I grounded them both because I'm not raising any communists.
@dave_cactus: [me on a ledge] COP: (through megaphone) WE'VE CALLED SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP! *Kris Kross steps out of a police van*