@5exyunchained: A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she's homeless.
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@KoKeniSasquatch: Day 8 of quitting smoking: I have 376 gallons of blood to donate. Various types. None is mine.
@UNTRESOR: I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.
@Sean_Burgundy_: I always try to hold in my sneezes so I don't give someone a reason to talk to me
@Bottle_of_Death: *Reads your tweets, vomits into a bucket, mails bucket to you*- see what you made me do?