@isabelzawtun: *a movie that's 100% studio logo animations but the audience doesn't even notice until 30 minutes in*
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@wickedsuga: Kim on FB needs help deciding if the snot in her kid's nose is from allergies or not. His Dr. says yes, but she really needs your opinion.
@BigFatNothing: (in a rowboat with 6 starving people) "I think you mean "WHOM should we eat first"
@dafloydsta: [at a bar] *sees hot chick check me out* *writes note on napkin and asks bartender to give to her* *she reads note* "STOP STARING IT'S RUDE"