@brendohare: A nation cheers as Bigfoot is finally found. "We just yelled his name," said the head explorer. "Can't believe no one thought of that."
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@shawnspree: Banned an 80 year old man for life from attending NBA games. What's that? Like maybe 10 years?
@dril: my disrespectful teen son somehow got hold of a gluten product and now he wants to become a cat girl
@Phoebetate: Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two.
@TheBlessMess: Dear Coworker, If I'm nodding my head & smiling at everything you've said, this means I'm fantasizing about getting banged by David Beckham.