@Spaced_Cowboy00: A nice looking girl waved at me earlier today but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.
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@FuckabillyRex: I thought she said "tantrum sex" and this is probably the most I've ever disappointed a woman.
@annaetuck: Congratulations, everyone who saw me and my kids at the mall today. That's the cheapest birth control you will ever have.
@murrman5: *shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife.
@mariokeyparty: My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a "father-son" picnic and he invited his father