@causticbob: A pastor, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar...
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@Beerhaze: My oldest is 14 today. Daddy's baby is growing up. Soon she'll start looking for boyfriends and find them all dead under the floor boards.
@TEXASVETERAN: I just read a bumper sticker that said, "Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you love Satan." Sent from iPhone.
@wolfpupy: if i was the one who drove the titanic i bet i could have hit at least 3 ice bergs before it sank
@lilgapeach32: You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some midol.