@Ristolable: A person on this website accused me of writing "a thousand bad jokes" and I was like wow that's a weird way to say you like 7000 of my jokes
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@TylerLinkin: On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.
@bmarked21: Hey girls: FYI, if you tilt the camera up just a wee bit higher you can actually get your face in the picture.
@TheHyyyype: FRIEND: you gotta go home and show your wife who's boss ME: damn right [later] ME: jen listen up *pulls out photo* this is my manager tim
@OuterJohn: 1) Throw a ball of yarn into a fencing battle 2) Wait until the fight is over 3) Retrieve your fully-knitted sweater