@Ristolable: A person on this website accused me of writing "a thousand bad jokes" and I was like wow that's a weird way to say you like 7000 of my jokes
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@JoParkerBear: "Don't ever do cocaine, son." "Why, mommy? Is it bad for you?" "I was going to say 'expensive,' but yeah, whatever."
@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes Jesus appears on toast, sometimes pancakes, sometimes waffles. Always on breakfast food. Why? It's the most important meal.
@Ms_Shazam: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.