@fuglylife: A poem about bugs: If it can fly, it should die.
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@YesThatAmy: If I did the math right, 8 of you are serial killers and 1,246 of you are eating Nutella.
@ObscureGent: If Michael Jackson wasn't buried in his Thriller outfit, who will teach the zombies to dance in the upcoming apocalypse.
@psybermonkey: In line at Target when the woman behind be says to her kid "If you don't stop fussing I'm gonna make you spend christmas with this man" and then points at me causing him to cry harder