@JayJazzi: A policeman came into my house and told me to put my hands up.I told him that he wasn't a DJ and we laughed and laughed and now I'm in jail.
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@CoatCzech: 1) My wife and I are fighting 2) My phone has an annoying ringtone whenever someone RTs me 3) My phone is in the room where she's sleeping
@fro_vo: Cop: i told you this land is off limits Me: oh i thought you said it was all flimits Cop: wtf are flimits Me: idk let's go look Cop: ok
@Thrill_Tweeter: People with FB statuses like, "I'm so angry right now", then when someone says, "What's up?" they reply, "I'll text you." WHAT ABOUT US?