@JayJazzi: A policeman came into my house and told me to put my hands up.I told him that he wasn't a DJ and we laughed and laughed and now I'm in jail.
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@Lisa_Laughs_: You said I could have my way with you. If you didn't want me to experiment with gas and fire, you should've been more specific.
@bossy_bootz: Everyone's an atheist until they're making a phone call & praying it goes to voicemail
@generaldietz: Mark Wahlberg's mom: Marky Mark! It's time for a snacky snacky before you take a nappy nap. Mark Wahlberg: Jesus, mom. I'm 44. What snack?
@purplefuzzygirl: I don't get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There's never any left when he comes home. Idiot.