@smhbrb: A polite way to call someone's baby ugly is to say "Oh. He looks just like you."
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@NourHadidi: Overheard at work: "that is music to my ears". Where else would the music go smartypants?
@MikeCanRant: People wont mess with you if you eat a cup of yogurt and then smash it on your forehead because youre tough and have healthy bowel movements
@_The_Man__: [in basement lab] wife: you cant just make your own honey me: (mouth dry, spitting pollen everywhere) I know that now Lisa.
@Steven37366100: [Home Depot] Me: I’ll take your finest home *All surrounding dads tear up with joy*