@garrettbarry70: A pop up blocker for coworkers who send you an email and immediately show up at your desk to ask if you got their email.
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@Jez1: You text him, he doesn't text you back. Obviously he was so excited that you texted that he fainted.
@david8hughes: [giving grandmother's eulogy] But on the plus side, that's the fastest she ever got down the stairs.
@BuckyIsotope: *doctor looks up* I'm afraid you have forgetting about 80's bands disease "Oh god what's The Cure?" *doctor sighs* It's worse than I thought