@anhonestmess: A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.
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@simoncholland: My GPS just told me to turn left into a cornfield and now I'm afraid it wants to murder me.
@AbrasiveGhost: Scientist: a comet is headed for earth, we need a plan Me: howabout a big funnel S: why would that help M: u know, to like, guide it here
@atDevin: I just read a story about someone finding a dead body at a Walmart. HOW EMBARRASING, I'd never be caught dead at a Walmart.
@TampaBayMomma: My ex left me for an attorney. It makes me smile every day to know he hasn't won an arguement for 15 years.