@anhonestmess: A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.
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@randomnloveit: If people are going to judge me they should at least hold up scorecards so I know how I'm doing.
@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Will I find any drugs in your car? Me: I don't know but if you do, I'm not sharing.
@JoePetroske: 1: Acquire scuba gear. 2: Strap duck decoy to head. 3: Dive in local pond. 4: Enjoy unlimited free bread crumbs.
@KyleMcDowell86: [in car] Wife: Dont tell ur arm story Me: Im gonna stick to humorous stories 2nite babe *at party* AND THAT'S WHEN MY HUMOROUS BROKE IN HALF