@fillthevacuum: A pregnant pause is like a regular pause but it doesn't have a period.
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@swandive2222: Yes, I've been in love before. I've also had salmonella poisoning and you don't see me running back for seconds.
@shopkins776: I never make New Year's resolutions. I just carry the ones over from the previous year and add "This time I'm serious"
@Just_Lee_: It's pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
@Whymze: [pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral] alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow.