@carlyken: A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
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@ScobeyWanKenobi: The best part about being thirty is that I'm finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: It's almost quitting time. Drinks? Me: In my top desk drawer. Help yourself. Boss:...
@PuncherJetpack: "Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don't drink "You wanna be cool don't you?" I don't drink "C'mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
@vineyille: Me: Just a glass of water Scientist waiter: You mean a glass of... yourself? You see, the body is made up of ok ok sit down I'll bring it