@carlyken: A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
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@WeissBrandon: My wife says that we should keep the chocolate milk in the back of the fridge so it stays colder, but personally I just think she's racist
@brianbowman73: Sometimes you have to put your phone down and take a look at what's around you.. And wonder how you drove your car into a swimming pool.
@ErikGators: Why does my wife think its weird I talk to a bunch of strangers on the Internet, but it's ok for her to talk to multiple cats.
@_AlanGarner_: My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."