@carlyken: A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
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@truegritrumble: WIFE:The pinata is in the tree out back ME:Huh? I sent the kids to the one in front W:What one in front? *angry bees are just everywhere*
@DirtMcTurd: A man started choking in the line at Wendys today. Luckily the manager jumped into action... And opened another register
@JKNenagh: Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun. * scans the laundromat and guess whose they are.