@leyawn: a rock fell out my pocket and i crouched down to find it and a bunch of people helped like i lost a contact. had to pretend it wasn't a rock
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@NikiWithIssues: Stretching and yawning at the same time might not look so sexy but it looks like you're a Pokemon evolving so that's cool.
@PascalSloths: Petting my dog with a spatula cause I'm too lazy to reach and he is too lazy to move closer Why is there a spatula in my room?
@thenatewolf: Me: I have a secret *I take off my wig* Her: I don’t care still I love you *I smile, take off my bald cap* Me: you passed the final test
@LindaInDisguise: Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am, that's your husband. Me: And your point is...?