@nurserycrimes: a romantic scene where we're running toward each other but then i run past you and pick up your dog
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@sixfootcandy: How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, no matter what they are, yell out "Oh come on. Even I've done THAT!"
@AnniemuMary: I have 11 pictures of myself from high school. My daughter has 11 pictures of herself from this morning.
@NoticablyBacon: Accidentally just told a girl that "she has a nice head" because I appearently have the flirting skills of a serial killer