@dom_dot_dom: A Serial Killer Known For Ripping Out Tounges Entered The Buzzfeed Office And What He Did Next Left Us Speechless
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@Fred_Delicious: *approaches girl in bar* *passes right through her* *i've been dead for 73 years*
@squirrel74wkgn: My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked.
@ilovepie84: Sometimes I drown cookies in milk in front of their family until they tell me the whereabouts of the Keebler Elves.