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@shwebby3: A Smart car Zoomed past me
And vanished into a pothole
@withanewname: "How much for the mannequin in the clown outfit?"
"Sir, she came in with you!"
@JasonLastname: If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you'll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
@ValeeGrrl: [at son's Little League game]
ME: which one's yours
OTHER MOM: the pitcher. You?
ME: the one performing Lord of the Dance in left field
@HumanPog: one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process
@UncleDuke1969: The only highlight of a brutal moving day:
Wife: "That's way too big to fit in the back door."
4 people in unison: "That's what she said!"