@WilliamAder: A thing I learned at this week's staff meeting is that I have restless leg syndrome when I sleep.
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@mishakey: Going to meet my daughter's kindergarten teacher tonight. Her name is Miss Cox. Not sure I'm mature enough for this situation.
@garthinkingcap: [after solid first date] Ok play it cool, don't wanna seem too eager.. *texts her 47 years later* "Had a great time the other night :)"
@TheTweetOfGod: Most homophobes are secretly gay. However, most arachnophobes are not secretly spiders.
@slimmy_shady: I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"