@Piecezilla: A tree silently weeping as firemen steal its cat. Again!
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@: I want to open a restaurant for divorcees but I can't think of what to name it other than fed ex
@theshamingofjay: [interview for doctor's office receptionist] "Can you schedule appointments and be friendly" Yes. "Sorry we're looking for the opposite"
@BlackCatBettie: "Just so you know, you're coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.