@Piecezilla: A tree silently weeping as firemen steal its cat. Again!
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@UncleDuke1969: (Trump rally) Trump: I’ll take questions now. Reporter: How will you fix California’s drought? Trump: More water. Crowd: *cheers wildly*
@david8hughes: [bday party] Mum: happy birthday son Me: wow that's a huge cake! Mum: its full of bees Me: what Mum [backing away]: I said it's cream cheese
@slimmy_shady: Drink this wine, it's the blood of Christ.Eat this bread, it's the body of Christ.Jesus pulls out hotdog, "Now hear me out"