@MrPhetz: A TV weatherman who keeps accidentally calling the anchorwoman mom
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@OrvllShrednbchr: 10 years ago, as a joke, I told everyone I was giving up sex for Lent. Haven't gotten laid since. Well played, God.
@IamEveryDayPpl: Him: Who sings American Woman? Me: Guess Who. Him: Lenny Kravitz? Me: Guess Who did it first. Him: I don't know. Me: Guess Who. Him: ...
@xysist: If Noah was not holding ' Control ' while selecting the animals that were to enter the ark, then the Bible is a lie to me.
@BrickCh4News: "A black man follows me when it's sunny outside. When it's cloudy, he goes home." "Brick, that's your shadow."