@Mish3l_Ali: A Tweet is like a dress; the shorter the hotter.
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@roggyie: If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there's nothing I can do about it.
@Abusitron: [coffee shop] *casually puts arm around wife* *reaches up to Free Wifi sign with a pen* *changes last "i" to an "e", draws downward arrow*
@ElizaBayne: Find out if the NSA is listening to your call by singing SWEET CAROLINE and if more than one voice responds with bum bum bum THEN YOU KNOW
@timdonakowski: Pee your name in the snow and you'll quickly understand why they teach cursive in our schools.