@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he's wearing TOMS and you can't stop laughing.
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@KattsDogma: "Eat me," said the noun "Say what?" said the verb. "Eat me," repeated the noun, word for word. "Uhh...okay." Verbatim.
@VerifiedJayy: My son: do kids that get bullied go to college? Me: no they go to the police academy
@EvilSchwartzie: In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY. My best time so far is 7 min.