@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he's wearing TOMS and you can't stop laughing.
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@stephenjmolloy: Therapist: Why are you here? Me: Ahh, the great existential question. Why are any of us- Therapist: No, I mean your appointment is tomorrow.
@TheMichaelRock: HR: Did you tell Brenda she was stupid? Me: Oh god no! I said she is stupid. HR... Me: There's no past tense with that one.
@ComedicBust: *First Date* Her: Hobbies? *thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building* Me: Architecture and Astronomy. Her: Impressive.