@PieChord: "A wine please"
"Sir, this is McDonalds..."
"Okay, a McWine please"
@dank_hitler: 1. Secretly take a bunch of pictures of someone you see everyday but barely know
2. Friend request them on FB
3. Tag them in 238 photos
@DranoRaul: People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date:
1) out in the open
2) where I last left it
@Wtftab: Useful information: don't turn around if a woman throws a shoe at your back. Because more than likely the other one is in mid flight.
@davedittell: "anything new with you?"
"any cool projects at work?
"meeting with friends?"
why are you doing this?
@Elizasoul80: Dear Californians- Quit telling everyone there's a drought. The ocean is right there. You're just lazy.