@PieChord: "A wine please"
"Sir, this is McDonalds..."
"Okay, a McWine please"
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: You're very immature.
Me: You're very observant.
@ArfMeasures: BANK ROBBER: There'll be no trouble as long as everyone is cool
ME *remembering I'm me* oh no
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm starting a sarcasm club. It would mean the world to me if you joined.
@kevinrowe1: This kitten is just what my house needed.
Another female that doesn't listen to me.
@TheTweetOfGod: It's not that people use only 10% of their brains, it's that only 10% of people use their brains.