@PieChord: "A wine please"
"Sir, this is McDonalds..."
"Okay, a McWine please"
@llvvzz: I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career.
@daemonic3: Girlfriend: Are you ready to be a dad?
"I don't know, how would I know?"
GF: I'm pregnant!
"Hi Pregnant, I'm... OH MY GOD I'M READY"
@shariv67: When villainy didn't pay anymore, The Riddler got a job writing furniture assembly instructions for IKEA.
@blahdevivre: INTERVIEWER: It says here you can't read
ME: thanks what else does it say
@daemonic3: [drinks milk from carton]
WHY AREN'T YOU USING A GLASS?!?
"I went to the eye doctor"
What does that mean?
"He said I don't need glasses"