@WilliamAder: A woman at work told me I look younger with my glasses off. I told her she looked younger with my glasses off, too.
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@QwertyJones3: HER: I'll only agree to do nudity if it's done tastefully PRIEST: And I understand the groom has also written his own vows
@IamEnidColeslaw: trying to get through to Mozart on the Ouija board I really want him to listen to the Thong Song
@captainkalvis: me: i'd like to make a reservation for 2 at 6:00 pm employee: sir, this is a McDonald's me: oh my bad. i'd like a McReservation for 2 at 6:00 pm employee: perfect, see you then