@whereami18: A woman just asked me to "unpark her car" and now I'm searching urban dictionary to see what I really just agreed to do
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@SSgtTommyD: My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I'll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun.
@AndrewNadeau0: WIFE: How could you spend our money on this? ME: *Dressing ducklings in tiny raincoats* They live outside, Karen. They need this.