@MrLloydSpandex: A woman just dropped a £10 note next to me. I thought, 'What would Jesus do?', so I turned it into wine. I bought wine.
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@JoParkerBear: God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don't have money. That makes God super mad.
@wendyraepearce: I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He's going to pay for that later.
@internetluke: [sex ed in middle school] Teacher: "Today we are having sex ed" Ed: hell yeah we are! Teacher: "Education"