@MrLloydSpandex: A woman just dropped a £10 note next to me. I thought, 'What would Jesus do?', so I turned it into wine. I bought wine.
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@sammyrhodes: Learned from my 2yr old tonight that Jesus doesn't like bananas. No word on cauliflower yet but pretty sure he's not a fan.
@BeardSpice: "Two birds with one stone, how about all the birds" God thinks, hurling an asteroid toward Earth
@SashaBrenner: One of the wheelchair basketball team players has been tested positive for WD40 :(