@Dschnoeb: A woman on the subway this morning said "did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?" So really, we deserve this.
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@buhsbaby_baby: Autocorrect just changed "carnie" to "catnip" and now all my friends think I slept with a bunch of catnips last night.
@KimmyMonte: Good cop: Ok relax. We are just gonna ask you a few questions Fashion police: Who are you wearing, you piece of shit?
@KimMonte10: Starbucks job interview: "What's your name?" "Alyssa" "Spell that please" "L A R I S S A" "When can you start?"