@Dschnoeb: A woman on the subway this morning said "did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?" So really, we deserve this.
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@mattgallo123: Oh dear... I should get out of the way, he's probably trying to catch a bad guy. -me getting pulled over
@panmidwest: Friend: you should come over tonight. we're watching 'How to Train Your Dragon 2' Me: Friend: Me: to what? Friend:
@dafloydsta: "DADDY THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED" [me opening bedroom window] Wife: What are you doing? Me: *climbing out* ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?
@brianbowman73: There's a doctor here to see you. Doctor who? No, I think it's a non time traveling one.