@Dschnoeb: A woman on the subway this morning said "did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?" So really, we deserve this.
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@batkaren: ME: I give you all my love and infection. HIM: Um. Don't you mean love and 'affection'? ME: ... HIM: ... ME: You should get tested.
@GianDoh: Psst. The real reason Ryan Gosling is taking a break from acting was to molt, mature & become Ryan Goose.
@DurtMcHurtt: Wow, the guy buried alive with weed in his pocket must be rolling in his grave right now.
@dafloydsta: A hangover so good you crawl out of the bedroom naked and sleep for 6 more hours on the kitchen floor.