@WheelTod: A zendetta is when you launch a blood feud against a killer who murdered your entire family, but remain pretty chill about the whole thing.
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@omgthatspunny: My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.
@hippieswordfish: hey, a mime! *mime starts having heart attack* hes pretending to die lol *mime collapses* *hours later still watching his body* wow hes good
@sixfootcandy: Mom always said to wear clean underwear in case I got hit by a bus and I'm like "they wouldn't be clean anyway mom!"
@fletchworld73: So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.