@kumailn: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa" - the soundtrack to every Middle Eastern scene in every Hollywood movie.
@AbbyHasIssues: Friend: Did you eat already or do you want to get food?
@itsa_talia: things getting way heated on my picture of flowers #couplestherapy
@shkeeber: If dolphins are so smart, how come they're never on Jeopardy?
@EliTerry: Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy.