@Hobo_Splendido: About to go for a run, because shoplifting
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@daemonic3: [having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE ME: Dude, are you ok?! [faintly] CALL...ME...A...DOCTOR ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!
@Sarcasmo718: When I'm sad I drive over to Keanu Reeve's house and watch him check the mailbox for scripts.
@shkeeber: My bank has informed me that Twitter followers can not be used as collateral for a car loan. You guys are useless.