@leslid79: Abra abracadabra. I wanna reach out and stab ya.
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@DaddyJew: [at daycare] Me: I'm here to pick up my son Daycare: what's he look like? Me: *points to my face* D: oh. Ok
@jwoodham: Forrest Gump ran for 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days, which is approximately 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days longer than I've ever run.
@kellyoxford: "Please add your phone number to secure your acct." Facebook is now the Nigerian Prince.
@WeissBrandon: I get it short people, I get it. Oooops sorry typo, I'll get it short people, I'll get it.