@shkeeber: Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Contwixt: Good news: It works the other way around. I entered "internal bleeding" & "unconscious" in WebMD and it said I have a stuffy nose. Phew.
@rockymomax: [first date] -so how do you feel about octopus? Her: I like em -Whew! [lets other six arms fall out of shirt]
@PunLovinLad: The inventor of inappropriate innuendo has died His family are taking it really hard
@JasonCarney31: "911 what's your emergency?" MY WIFE IS BEATING MY KIDS! "Okay. I'll send the police" *hangs up. OH CRAP I FORGOT TO SAY "AT MARIOKART"