@fart: accidentally called the guy at the oil change place "mom"
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@DanMentos: "I think I have ADHD, doc" why? "I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford" that's not- "yeah I keep losing my Focus" get out of my office
@david8hughes: My ransom was dropped from $30,000 to fifty bucks when my parents told my kidnappers it'd take 2 days to come up with the money.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: My cat's name is Isis, so you can imagine my horror when I turned on the news and saw "Isis believed to be allied with Al-Qaeda"
@Ophelia_808: [stunned, eyes lock, a smile exchanged, and I knew it was kismet] *hands cash to lady Ma'am my baby isn't for sale. I SAID I'LL TAKE TWO!!