@fart: accidentally called the guy at the oil change place "mom"
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@mantej: Why would anyone ever think gay people tear apart the fabric of society? They love fabric.
@NoogsCorner: Take Dr. Seuss, make him a black midget with chronic asthma and give him access to Urban Dictionary. Behold, Lil' Wayne.
@truegritrumble: Apparently, I have to go to the pet store because my wife is angry that I put the wrong gold fish in my kid's packed lunch.
@BuckyIsotope: UBER DRIVER: Where to ME: One sec. Siri, where the best place to dispose of an uber driver’s body SIRI: The bog ME: nearest bog please