@Tw1tter_K1tten: Accidentally drew my eyebrows on too dark and thick and now I live on Sesame Street with Ernie.
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@1followernodad: Can't wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal.
@derekblackmon: I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now.
@michaelianblack: All those guys who refuse to marry their girlfriends until everybody has the right to marry must be shitting their pants.
@kaytaa: Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something.