@Tw1tter_K1tten: Accidentally drew my eyebrows on too dark and thick and now I live on Sesame Street with Ernie.
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@Kyle_Lippert: If you put your face really close to a neck tattoo & slowly pull away, you can see a hidden design of the unemployment office.
@juliussharpe: I don't have a problem with steroids in sports since I think anyone who can give themselves a shot is the bravest person in the world.
@verycozy: ME: I have crab like reflexes DAD:I think you mean cat like reflexes ME: [sitting in pot of boiling water] what
@seancoleran: Girlfriend: Why is this broom broken? Did you draw a lightning bolt on the cat? Are you writing with a feather? Me: Muggles....