@JermHimselfish: Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.
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@AndDesist: I accept your apology. Can I borrow your phone? I need to cancel the hit I put out on you.
@NicestHippo: Symptoms of mental illness: -Hearing voices -Hallucinating -Complaining about how other people use their social media accounts
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: There are so many songs that tell us how to breathe. It's like musicians and songwriters have never heard of the autonomic nervous system.