@Fred_Delicious: *accidentally likes a hot girl's photo of a sandwich from 3 years ago*
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@NicestHippo: Facebook has a link to "Report a Problem" so I wrote "I'm not very close with my father." Now we wait I guess
@BlindChow: Karen, will you marry me? "Ugh. No. Please take me home." *20 minutes of awkward silence as hot air balloon slowly descends*
@theedgeofchris: Dora the Explorer has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.
@vineyille: I place my finger on the police officer's lips. "Shhh. Look, we were both speeding, ok? I forgive you."