@UNTRESOR: [accidentally makes eye contact with someone] Oh my God, I am so sorry. Are you OK?
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@mikeleffingwell: "And... uh... chocolate kills dogs." - God puts the finishing touches on life on earth.
@Tuna_Lover: I caught two teens smoking pot behind my office. Ten minutes later, my boss caught two teens and myself smoking pot behind my office.
@Fickle_Filly: Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.