@TheDailySchmuck: Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks.
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@Dawn_M_: Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
@ChaseMit: "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs" could also describe every menu item at Olive Garden.
@Sophie2078: I spilled coffee over my keyboard, so I spent all day asking letters from my employees. "Give me a "g" "Give me an "h" They hate me now.
@foodfacenow: Interview Boss: What could you bring to this company? Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.