@TheDailySchmuck: Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks.
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@Tharin_P: There are certain people who assume that I'm intelligent. These people aren't aware that I cannot tear off perforated paper.
@adamlucidi: All my exes are engaged, married, and/or have kids. I'm single. As far as I'm concerned, I've won.
@JohnHilsen: You gotta admit that humans are the ultimate #1 lifeform because we're essentially half mermaid but we also have legs for kicking and stuff.