@TheDailySchmuck: Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks.
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@4ndBest: Girl dog: I'm into bad boys Guy dog: [remembering his owner saying how much of a good boy he is] ..oh
@AmberTozer: If a shark is ever attacking me I'm gonna be like where are your parents do they know you act like this
@MichaelLarrick: If white guys are day drinking, it's inevitable that they're going to start wrestling at some point later that night.
@joeyellis: ENTER PASSWORD. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. RESET PASSWORD. NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD. sets fire to computer