@SemFitty: Accidentally put Red Bull in my coffee maker this morning. I was going 130 mph down the interstate when I realized that I forgot my car.
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@kelkulus: They say don't dress for the job you have, but for the job you want. Still, I think I look pretty stupid waiting tables in a spacesuit.
@Brianhopecomedy: I have keys on my keychain from the houses I used to live in just in case I'm hungry and in the area.
@wizdom: A real boyfriend will blow up his girl's phone when she's mad at him. She may not want to answer, but at least she'll see his effort.
@Tmoney68: Girl, are you an umbrella? Because you're never with me when I need you & I've forgotten you at a restaurant 4 or 5 times.