@vapidcontent: accidentally said "bring a ding ding those toes over here mommy" out loud to no one in particular at work the other day and one of the female employee's said "Okay, it's been fun here I quit"
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@JohnLyonTweets: Me: I like how you dyed all the meat green for St. Patrick's Day. Chipotle manager: It's St. Patrick's Day?
@UncleDuke1969: [restaurant] ME: I’m meeting my blind date here. HOSTESS: Do you have reservations? ME: Yes, but my friend tells me she’s very nice.
@SocialExtortion: I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. Seriously, I'm taking a selfie and you're in the background