@thebeckyard: Accidentally used 13's shower gel, so I just copped a huge attitude, yelled at everyone and slammed some doors.
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@bigkefd: Ppl freakin cuz its sharks in the ocean. News flash: that's where they live! If u see them at Chipotle, then we have a problem
@iwearaonesie: girlfriend asks you to get wine: You're getting laid wife asks you to get wine: You're getting yelled at
@OtherDanOBrien: ACQUAINTANCE: (crying) Nobody likes me ME: I like you ACQUAINTANCE: (crying harder) Nobody good likes me
@Reverend_Scott: 911: What's your emergency? THE BARISTO IS HAVING A STROKE 911: Barista? IT'S A GUY. BARISTO 911: No, it's still- Nm he's dead now