@briangaar: Accidentally used the elephant emoji so thanks, Apple, for the next five hours of fighting
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@Shock_Monster: Her: I saw this Yoda pen & I thought of you. Me: WHY? YOU THINK I'M 8 OR SOMETHING? Her: No, sorry... Me: Hey, hey, hey! Leave the pen.
@EndhooS: "BRING ME THE FOETUS' OF 3 CHICKENS" *Maniacal stare* "Listen dude, its called an omelette,a 3 egg omelette" "AND THE BLOOD OF 4 ORANGES"
@lemonmartinis: How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some earbuds in your pocket 2) wait one minute