@briangaar: Accidentally used the elephant emoji so thanks, Apple, for the next five hours of fighting
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@SortaBad: i imagine the people who slaved for years perfecting the google search algorithm would be so mad knowing i mainly use it now for spellcheck
@davedittell: if the waitress at this brunch doesn't give me the Mother's Day special then I shaved my legs and stole this baby for nothing
@VeroniKaboom: "He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I'd totally hit that."
@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes