@briangaar: Accidentally used the elephant emoji so thanks, Apple, for the next five hours of fighting
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@kwirkyKerri: Looking to marry a pharmacist. Looks and personality optional. Just don't lose your job.
@TheRolo: [Chased by cops on foot] *Turns corner and lays DVD of The Notebook on floor* *Cops get lost in Ryan Gosling's eyes* *Makes clean getaway*
@CakeThrottle: Garfield creator breaks silence to give impassioned speech. "It's pronounced Jarfield" he says through tears