@Tbone7219: According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
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@chimneyspotter: WAITER: How is everything? ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt
@KentWGraham: My wife tried imitating the weird groaning sound her car is making, and all three auto mechanics asked her out.
@GoldenSpirals: Why did Yogi Bear only have a collar and a tie, and not a full dress shirt? *Patiently waits as you all Google pics of Yogi Bear*
@ImaFlyontheWall: Wears a black shirt to a first dates house to see if shes lying about having cats