@CheryeDavis: According to my Nike fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
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@hurlarious: I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I'm on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I'm famous
@1_swarthy_dude: Boss:"I'll need those projections done Aesop!" Me:"You mean ASAP?" Boss:"No, I mean a parable that uses animals to convey a moral lesson."
@JohnLyonTweets: Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning. Facebook: Be the first person to like this.