@DBMaxP: According to the group of firemen in our floor's breakroom... my microwave popcorn is burnt
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@KellyMeldrum: It would be easier on everyone if my kids' teachers would cut out the middle man and email my homework assignments directly to me.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *glares at me* My shoe doesn’t fit. Me: You grew. How is that my fault? 5: You fed me.
@trevso_electric: If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I'll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder.