@DBMaxP: According to the group of firemen in our floor's breakroom... my microwave popcorn is burnt
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@snowmedia: My mom worries about me too much. We were having a phone conversation till she dropped her phone. She picks it up and asks "are you OK?"
@RidiculousSheri: I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
@BobLoblaw143637: Lying on my bed struggling to squeeze into jeans The dog comes in to show emotional support ... followed by the cat, who came to judge.
@AnkCoupleTO: I made my will yesterday and had to make my lawyer the beneficiary because my estate will just about cover his bill