@DBMaxP: According to the group of firemen in our floor's breakroom... my microwave popcorn is burnt
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@morgan_murphy: I don't think I could be a mom. Listening to another person cry all night just seems awful & I wouldn't want to impose that on a baby.
@whatmaddness: Confetti is shot outta cannons at my funeral. Everyone picks through it wondering why it doesn't look right. "Oh god. Are these her bones?!"
@markydoodoo: Mechanic: the front shocks are shot. Did you hit a pothole? Me: yes but I winced, patted the dash & said I was sorry so it can't be that.