@TitansHomer: According to the heart rate monitor on this treadmill, I died 14 minutes ago.
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@thestlouisan: I just want to have enough followers so that my children can tweet comfortably for the rest of their lives.
@timdonakowski: Okay, wait a second. I pee, I do my belt, THEN I wash my hands. I don't know about you but I've never, ever washed my belt.
@TheBoydP: The best thing about being an accountant is that everyone assumes you’re not a psychopath.
@trojansauce: [creating foxes] GOD: make it orange & give it a fat tail ANGEL: ok... GOD: and make it sneaky ANGEL: you sure? GOD: yeah... real sneaky