@TitansHomer: According to the heart rate monitor on this treadmill, I died 14 minutes ago.
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@nonchalantnacho: Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.
@Mr_Bum_to_You: I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
@CrashTestDrummy: A Jehovah's Witness followed me. I think I'll send him a lot of unsolicited DMs with knock-knock jokes...