@kellysdf: According to the NSA, most of my calls are me saying, "I forgot what you told me to pick up at the store."
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@AlexRogaski: *Runs across campus to get to class on time* Whew! I made it! *Sits in the back and browses Twitter for an hour and a half*
@LisaFarted: The last time I twisted the night away it resulted in two law suits and a medicare plan.
@caithuls: Easiest way to make friends? Craigslist Hardest way? Hmm probably putting your chin on a stranger's shoulder from behind them at an Arby's
@JohnLyonTweets: Apparently a guy named George Martin leaked all the main plot points of the next season of Game of Thrones in some books he published. Jerk.