@TheMichaelRock: According to these Father's Day gift sections, all dads are clean shaven business men that love playing golf and think they're #1.
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@LizHackett: Hi, famous people getting DUIs. You know you can probably afford a driver, right? Just a thought.
@Sickayduh: Me: *goes to jail for murdering coworkers* Boss: You're still coming in early tomorrow, right?
@toni_goldsetin: My mom always has these great sayings for life, like "Don't count your chickens before they hatch" and "Everybody hates you."